What complicated creatures are the things we call boys. They taunt us, break us, torture us with their words and sweet, sweet smiles. And when I say us I mean girls, of course. About every other week, month, or even day we fall victim to another boys innocent looks and charms.
I am like any other girl on this planet. I see a cute guy, bat my lashes, laugh at every dumb joke, plan my whole life around them, and wait for the magical moment of their eyes meeting mine and thinking it is love. I hope and pray that every second we don't see each other he is thinking of me the way I'm thinking of him. Because if he doesn't, my heart breaks and I go into a very slight depression for a week or so.
For a few years, all I thought about was having a boyfriend. That was back in middle school. I over obsessed at how I looked when I went out. I cared too much about the outside of a person instead of the inside. When one friend was in a so-called "relationship", I needed to have one too or I just didn't "measure up." Being homeschooled and in middle school kinda set you apart from the others. People thought you were weird, unsocialized, and/or stupid. None of those things ever pertained to me. At least I don't think so. MY POINT is that I didn't really have a chance to have a "relationship." Now looking back, I can fully see I didn't need one. No one had a car, job, or time.
But eventually I found someone who liked me. Someone who thought I was fun, pretty, sweet, cute, and cool enough to spend their time with. I thought I was so lucky. I still think I am, just because I learned. We were young. We hurt each others feelings. He took it too seriously. I was all about fun. It ended on a sour note. He's always in my heart and I'll never forget him.
As I grew up, I figured out that relationships take time, effort, planning, and money. This was sort of a shock to me. It just hit me one day that relationships aren't just about yourself. You have to think about the other person too.
Which leads me into the last relationship I had. This guy was a gentleman. He treated me right. We went on legit dates. He wanted to take things slow - for the first few months. After that it went down hill. If I had a differing opinion, I was wrong. If I wanted to spend more time with him or him take me somewhere nice, it would make him tense. He was always saving up for the next best thing. That made me mad and confused, thinking I wasn't worth it. But finally I figured out I didn't want it anymore and I let myself go. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Of course, I was sad. I spent almost 10 months with this guy. He was my life. I was going to have to learn to live life as one person and not two.
I've treated boys as play things. I know that I am pretty. I use it to my advantage a lot of times. Now don't think of me as conceited or full of myself. I'm neither. I love my looks. I've embraced them. I've been told over and over and over again to not play with boys' hearts. But it's so hard not to when you know you'd never see or talk to them again. As I grow older, I do see that it's immature to do that and I'm growing out of it.
I'm going to meet so many more boys in my future. Romance may blossom out of those meetings or a deep dislike could come out of it. I'm just waiting for that one boy to come in and sweep me off my feet. This will take a while. I know boys sometimes just aren't ready for the commitment and the time for a relationship, and I've accepted it, no matter how hard it was. Boys are beautiful creatures. I just need to figure out why. MaggieMae909 ♥
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Secrets
"Hey! Come here."
"Umm, okay..."
"psss-psss-psss-psss"
"No. Way."
That is the conversation most elementary and middle school children have at lunch time. They share the secret of the day to one person, which is then told to another person, which is then spread through the whole school. I've been there. It's not pretty.
As kids, the secrets we shared or kept were small and insignificant, like you bought something you weren't necessarily supposed to or kissed the cheek of the "hottest" boy in your class. It's big news to you and you told you're best friend and they crossed their heart and hoped to die, but eventually it would make it back around to you and all you can say is 'great...'
When we grow older, secrets can be deadly. We are told by our friends to keep secrets that are life threatening, like cutting and eating disorders, or we keep those secrets. Other times we tell them anonymously, like on the website http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/. You post your secret. They can be about love, coming out, anxiety, fear, or any secret you have. It's for people to be unjudgemental, which is hard to do. That's why a lot of people hold their secrets in. They're afraid of being looked over or judged. They're scared. I know I would be.
Secrets are silly sometimes and cause drama because the words have been twisted and manipulated into something completely different to make a person look bad. Those people live off of people being hurt and torn and beaten. They love the pain of someone else but couldn't stand it happening to themselves.
I have my fair share of secrets. Ones I keep in my heart and mind and never tell a soul. I've forgotten most of them, just because I have to to keep them from being spoken again. I gossip just like anybody else, but I really try not too, because I know that if I say one thing about someone, two things are being said about me by someone else.
By telling a secret you're breaking a person's trust for you. They confided in you and you pinkie promised and you said the little rhyme "cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye" and went your ways. Well then comes that big get-together with that other friend and you start talking. You talk about the other and you open your big mouth and the secret just slips out like a balloon losing all it's helium. It happened. Now your friend hates you. It happens repeatedly in your life and always has the same outcome.
As we grow older and figure things out, we find that keeping a silly little secret is immature. Sometimes you need to tell, but sometimes, to keep the drama to a minimum (or you actually have to), it's best to let things unfold by itself.
When we get older, a new thing comes into play: dating. Boys become irresistible and you think you'll die without them. I've most definitely been there and done that. I've even had a couple of secret relationships, but of course, everyone knew about them, even though I thought they were hush hush. I kept a major one from my parents for a while. He'll be called "Bad Boy" on here. I thought he was the coolest thing in the world. I thought I could handle the whole thing. Well... I was wrong. Go figure?
Bad Boy was easy on the eyes, so sweet to me, talked to me about anything, had "experience", but was, like his name states, a boy. Nothing more, nothing less. I kept our relationship a secret from my parents. They saw us one night and that was it. I figured out I was more into the secrecy and running around behind their backs and having this rough and tough kind of guy than I was the relationship. It was a lesson I learned.
Secrets can spin out of control. They're just words, but then they turn into hurt feelings and lost friendships. Choose what you say and who you say it to wisely. They might come back to haunt you. MaggieMae909♥
"Umm, okay..."
"psss-psss-psss-psss"
"No. Way."
That is the conversation most elementary and middle school children have at lunch time. They share the secret of the day to one person, which is then told to another person, which is then spread through the whole school. I've been there. It's not pretty.
As kids, the secrets we shared or kept were small and insignificant, like you bought something you weren't necessarily supposed to or kissed the cheek of the "hottest" boy in your class. It's big news to you and you told you're best friend and they crossed their heart and hoped to die, but eventually it would make it back around to you and all you can say is 'great...'
When we grow older, secrets can be deadly. We are told by our friends to keep secrets that are life threatening, like cutting and eating disorders, or we keep those secrets. Other times we tell them anonymously, like on the website http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/. You post your secret. They can be about love, coming out, anxiety, fear, or any secret you have. It's for people to be unjudgemental, which is hard to do. That's why a lot of people hold their secrets in. They're afraid of being looked over or judged. They're scared. I know I would be.
Secrets are silly sometimes and cause drama because the words have been twisted and manipulated into something completely different to make a person look bad. Those people live off of people being hurt and torn and beaten. They love the pain of someone else but couldn't stand it happening to themselves.
I have my fair share of secrets. Ones I keep in my heart and mind and never tell a soul. I've forgotten most of them, just because I have to to keep them from being spoken again. I gossip just like anybody else, but I really try not too, because I know that if I say one thing about someone, two things are being said about me by someone else.
By telling a secret you're breaking a person's trust for you. They confided in you and you pinkie promised and you said the little rhyme "cross my heart, hope to die, stick a thousand needles in my eye" and went your ways. Well then comes that big get-together with that other friend and you start talking. You talk about the other and you open your big mouth and the secret just slips out like a balloon losing all it's helium. It happened. Now your friend hates you. It happens repeatedly in your life and always has the same outcome.
As we grow older and figure things out, we find that keeping a silly little secret is immature. Sometimes you need to tell, but sometimes, to keep the drama to a minimum (or you actually have to), it's best to let things unfold by itself.
When we get older, a new thing comes into play: dating. Boys become irresistible and you think you'll die without them. I've most definitely been there and done that. I've even had a couple of secret relationships, but of course, everyone knew about them, even though I thought they were hush hush. I kept a major one from my parents for a while. He'll be called "Bad Boy" on here. I thought he was the coolest thing in the world. I thought I could handle the whole thing. Well... I was wrong. Go figure?
Bad Boy was easy on the eyes, so sweet to me, talked to me about anything, had "experience", but was, like his name states, a boy. Nothing more, nothing less. I kept our relationship a secret from my parents. They saw us one night and that was it. I figured out I was more into the secrecy and running around behind their backs and having this rough and tough kind of guy than I was the relationship. It was a lesson I learned.
Secrets can spin out of control. They're just words, but then they turn into hurt feelings and lost friendships. Choose what you say and who you say it to wisely. They might come back to haunt you. MaggieMae909♥
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