I may be 19, but I know what I want. I am not dumb. I am not misguided. I know what my heart and mind yearn for, and that is to live the life that God has planned for me and not be judged for it.
Even before I started classes at college, I began to feel uneasy about it. Pushed into school. Forced to get up and learn stuff I didn't necessarily want to learn. I then talked it out with my parents and figured out school wasn't for me. I just can't stand sitting in a classroom for over and hour, listening to a lecture about things that don't even matter that much to me. I decided that I'd much rather start to save money than go to school, which is a-okay with me. And that's the only person it needs to be okay with in the long run.
I am starting to plan my future with my fiance. We're trying to find a place, trying to figure out money, trying to get good jobs (and keep them), and trying to plan a wedding as well. When me and my fiance got engaged, well actually a little before it, we knew that we didn't want a long engagement. 6 months, tops. We got engaged on Thanksgiving and will be married exactly 5 months and 5 days after that. We are laid back, so anything that happens, we'll be perfectly fine with. We just want to get married. (:
When others ask what is going on with school or with my engagement, I tell them. I wait for their judgment and disapproving looks. I'm actually surprised if I get a genuine smile and congrats. Mine and his family/friends have been 100% about me and him getting married. They anxiously waited just as much as me for him to ask me to be his forever. That is what we wish all people would be like when we tell them. It's not happening though.
A lot of people are "concerned" about my college education and my young marriage. I don't really care what they say. I went into my old work and excitedly showed my left hand to my old co-worker and boss. My co-worker was ecstatic, but my boss was a pin that burst my bubble. She thought I was joking when I told her I would be getting married with half a year. She thought I was going to wait a while. That's something I don't understand. Why would I wait, say 1-3 years, to get married after I'm engaged? I find that ridiculous.
Some people give advice [unwillingly...] that I should finish school before I get married. But I don't want to go to school. I don't want a degree. I know plenty of people who have a degree and aren't even using it. All I have to say is "What's the point?"
But then there are those dime a dozen that hug us really tight and give their congrats and can't wait to see the pictures and get an invitation. They want it just as much as we do. And they don't think I'm that young.
My mom was telling me about her talking to a friend. They got on the subject of the engagement [because that's what all the buzz was about that week in our circle of friends]. The friend said to my mom "She's probably been getting it a lot, but honestly, I don't think she's that young. I think she's perfectly fine." That made me smile. That made me feel loved. That made me feel heard.
I'm getting married soon, whether you like it or not. I am ready to start being a [semi] grown-up and figuring my own future. I am honestly tired of hearing that I should do this instead of that. Be here, instead of there. Act like that, but not this. I don't need any sort of judgment coming my way in the next few months. I know that what I'm doing isn't the status quo, per say. But that's just me; I don't really fit in with the status quo.
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